There are many reasons people date one another. Some do it as a form of entertainment. Some do it because they're bored and need to get out of the house. Some are looking for boyfriends/girlfriends or a husband or wife. While others do it to fulfill certain needs, like financial or sexual. There are numerous reasons people date. I want to share my two cents as to what I believe the ultimate goal of dating is. MARRIAGE!
It is my believe that the ultimate goal of two people dating each other is to marry. Now let's examine this further. I understand that a 16 yr old going on a date with their first boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't necessarily have marriage in mind at that time, although some teenagers have fond thoughts of getting married. Usually the women, but some men as well. I for one believe that speaking of teenagers, there should be a certain age before young ones start dating. I won't tell you an exact age but teenagers should have a certain level of maturity before they date. They should be knowledgeable about sex, birth control, date rape, peer pressure etc. As far as birth control is concerned tread lightly on this subject with your young adult. Sometimes explaining birth control can give kids a false sense that your giving them the thumbs up on having sex which I believe they should be taught abstinence always until marriage.
As far as young adults I believe the focus should be getting to know yourself, and what you want in a spouse. To do that you should first read the post "Know thy self" then, you need to date! That's the only way to find out who your compatible with and what type of man/woman you get along with, or are attracted too. As far as attraction, I mean more then looks. I mean personality. I assure you a beautiful package won't go to far if that's all they have to offer. If they have an ugly personality or you just can't seem to get along, they start to get less and less attractive over time. The more you date different people the more of an idea you will form of who you are and what type of spouse will work for you. I'm not saying be a player. There is nothing wrong with dating different people at the same time. As long as your not leading anyone on, or committing to a relationship. Lying to them saying "your the only one". Just be honest with it. Say "I'm dating, looking for that special someone".
As far as those more seasoned. You've been around the block more then a few times. You've had your fair share of good and bad experiences. You know the type of man/woman you get along with. You know what you can deal with and what you can't. Dating at this point should be a process of elimination. If your attentive you can usually tell if a relationship has any potential on the first date. My advice to you is why waste your time with someone that you know early on is probably not a match for you. For example. You want kids and the other person doesn't. Yes down the road a person can change their mind, but odds are against you. Why take a chance and waste your time.
Overall dating can be a very exciting thing. You get to hang out. Fellowship with others learn yourself and how others work, what makes them tick. Just remember the overall purpose God has for dating, and that is to marry. Allow me to mention that God created the art of MAKING LOVE. Yes for those who marry, making love is a form of worship to God. There is a reason we are attracted to the opposite sex and have those desires. This is to prompt us to marry. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
May God bless you all!
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Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Know thy self 101
This blog is all about the business of relationships. Its sole purpose is to help other lost souls like myself find what they need in a partner and endure a happy lasting meaningful relationship that God would smile upon.
What's the best way we can achieve this daunting yet not impossible task? The first step is knowing who you are at this particular time in your life. Not who you want to be but who you really are RIGHT NOW. The better understanding of self you have the easier it is to determine what you NEED, not want in a partner.
Deep analyzing of ones self might tell us that we aren't ready for a relationship right now and we need to work on us. So many times their is damage done to us emotionally, spiritually, and we look for a woman/man to fill the void and make everything ok. The thing is if you were not ok before you met that one, your not going to be after you do. You may superficially mask your issues with a new relationship but eventually those issues are going to come out and need to be dealt with. At this time you could have so much time, emotion, and energy invested into a relationship before you find out its not going to work.
Deal with your issues first. Work on YOU! No ones perfect so waiting until your perfect will never happen. We are all human and all are going to have issues of some sort, however its the degree and magnitude of what our issues are that are the determining factor of if we need work before we start looking to get into a serious relationship. Trust me, this will save you a lot of time, heart ache and pain! Develop a relationship with God! He is the only one who can truly heal and bring peace to your spirit. If you already have a relationship with him then renew it! Challenge yourself to grow closer to him and have a much more intimate relationship with him. MATTHEW 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these THINGS will be added to you." THESE THINGS include your spouse that you NEED. You have to get your priorities straight first. God first, all other things after.
OK...so all major issues dealt with your ready to start looking for a serious relationship. You did some soul searching and you know yourself, and dealt with or are successfully dealing with some issues. So now is a good time for you to start composing a list of traits and attributes your ideal partner should have. You base this off your personality,character,believes,morals etc.
Let's use me for example. I have a dominant personality and I'm bull headed. My ideal woman probably would be someone who is more passive or passive aggressive. Someone who isn't so stubborn. We need that equal opposites to balance us off. If i worship God and you worship the devil its probably not gonna work! lol. If i want to get married in the future and you don't ever want to get married or I want kids and you have some and don't want anymore, these are things that probably wouldn't lead to a good match.
Also remember sometimes what you want and what you need can be two different things. Rule of thumb..always go for what you need! It would be wonderful if what we wanted was what we needed! This is not always the case however.Bottom line is take time to really know yourself. This will enable you to make sound judgement on the type of people you should be dating.
I'm not saying follow this to the t and if a prospect is missing one thing cross them out. This is just a guiding light to the right path. Love is a wonderful living breathing spontaneous thing. You can't control who you fall for. It might be someone just like you but you both compromise because you love each other so much. You never know, but this first step will get you going in the right direction!
May God bless you all!
Subscribe to Relationship advice for dummies
What's the best way we can achieve this daunting yet not impossible task? The first step is knowing who you are at this particular time in your life. Not who you want to be but who you really are RIGHT NOW. The better understanding of self you have the easier it is to determine what you NEED, not want in a partner.
Deep analyzing of ones self might tell us that we aren't ready for a relationship right now and we need to work on us. So many times their is damage done to us emotionally, spiritually, and we look for a woman/man to fill the void and make everything ok. The thing is if you were not ok before you met that one, your not going to be after you do. You may superficially mask your issues with a new relationship but eventually those issues are going to come out and need to be dealt with. At this time you could have so much time, emotion, and energy invested into a relationship before you find out its not going to work.
Deal with your issues first. Work on YOU! No ones perfect so waiting until your perfect will never happen. We are all human and all are going to have issues of some sort, however its the degree and magnitude of what our issues are that are the determining factor of if we need work before we start looking to get into a serious relationship. Trust me, this will save you a lot of time, heart ache and pain! Develop a relationship with God! He is the only one who can truly heal and bring peace to your spirit. If you already have a relationship with him then renew it! Challenge yourself to grow closer to him and have a much more intimate relationship with him. MATTHEW 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these THINGS will be added to you." THESE THINGS include your spouse that you NEED. You have to get your priorities straight first. God first, all other things after.
OK...so all major issues dealt with your ready to start looking for a serious relationship. You did some soul searching and you know yourself, and dealt with or are successfully dealing with some issues. So now is a good time for you to start composing a list of traits and attributes your ideal partner should have. You base this off your personality,character,believes,morals etc.
Let's use me for example. I have a dominant personality and I'm bull headed. My ideal woman probably would be someone who is more passive or passive aggressive. Someone who isn't so stubborn. We need that equal opposites to balance us off. If i worship God and you worship the devil its probably not gonna work! lol. If i want to get married in the future and you don't ever want to get married or I want kids and you have some and don't want anymore, these are things that probably wouldn't lead to a good match.
Also remember sometimes what you want and what you need can be two different things. Rule of thumb..always go for what you need! It would be wonderful if what we wanted was what we needed! This is not always the case however.Bottom line is take time to really know yourself. This will enable you to make sound judgement on the type of people you should be dating.
I'm not saying follow this to the t and if a prospect is missing one thing cross them out. This is just a guiding light to the right path. Love is a wonderful living breathing spontaneous thing. You can't control who you fall for. It might be someone just like you but you both compromise because you love each other so much. You never know, but this first step will get you going in the right direction!
May God bless you all!
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