Which Internet Dating Site Should I Choose?
Lets start by choosing a site. This is the most important first step. Dating sites are usually broken up into four groups.
3.hook up sites
You have to know what you want. If your looking for a quick fix well...you would choose the hook up sites and if you are looking for a relationship, the other. But since this is a relationship blog, I'm going to focus on the relationship sites, assuming that you want a serious relationship. How do you know which sites are for relationships and which are for hook ups? Depends, but a lot of the hook up sites are direct about letting you know what they are bout. Its usually in the title of the site like **ing.com or ***** bootycall.com for example. Then the relationship sites like eharmony and match.com. There are many other relationship and hook up sites out there. I'm just giving a few examples.
What I have found in my experience....The relationship sites that charge money tend to weave out a lot of the hook up motivated people from signing up. This is not to say that everyone on the site is looking for a genuine serious relationship, or that if your on a free site, you can't find true love. Just that the odds are better with these sites. A lot of people complain about some sites because they have lengthy surveys you have to take at the beginning of your registration. Yes this can get annoying, but the over all benefits of being connected to people who actually are compatible with your personality as opposed to just based of looks out weighs the extra time you use to fill out your survey properly. Also people that take the time to take these lengthy surveys and compatibility test, tend to be more serious about finding something long term. Now you will be connected with people you share common interests, goals, and personalities. My best advice to you is to be very honest about yourself. People tend to impersonate someone they would like to be, and lie about who they are, what they have, and where they are in life. Don't do this! Be yourself! What will happen is if you meet someone based off of lies, those lies will be found out and you will be exposed, and ultimately loose the person you were interested in. When in a lot of cases that person may have accepted you for who you are. Even if they wouldn't have, that just meant they weren't who God had for you. Be yourself and you will find yourself in someone else who is right for you!
My Picture And Profile
Now that you have chosen the site you want to try and have went through the initial Q&A's, it is time to set up your profile and upload your pictures. This is very important! Let's start with the about you section. This is where you let the reader know a little about yourself. You don't want to give your life story on this section, and have a 5 paragraph life synopsis about who you were and are since you started walking to present! The honest truth of the matter is most people don't read this section! At least not at first. And the ones that do read, won't want to sit there all day and read your life story. There are literally thousands of other profiles to read. Most people look at the picture and if they like what they see they will either just send you a message or then they will go to your profile and actually read what you have to say.
Keep it short and sweet. Don't say to much and definitely don't say to little. Rule of thumb... one paragraph should do it. Give the meat and potatoes. A little about the type of person you are, and a little about the type of person your looking for. Then finish it off with "If you have any questions about me....just ask!" This is the perfect amount of information. If the person likes what they see and read (if they read) they will hit you up and start a conversation.
Say cheese! Now for the pictures which is MOST important of all! We are visual creatures, more so men then women, but who doesn't want to be attracted to their significant other? Our picture is the first thing a prospect sees. If you don't have one up you will get 90% less responses so it's a must that you have a picture up. Rule of thumb... it's always good to have multiple pictures up. I'll explain why later. You should have a minimum of four at least. The more the better! Your main profile picture should be one that you can see your face clearly. Some women/men who are in good shape like to do full body pics to show off their assets so to speak. Their is nothing wrong with that as long as your face is able to be seen!
Everyone has bathroom mirror pics! I mean everyone! Although this is natural it is sometimes frowned upon by the Internet dating community. I really don't know why but it is to many. So rule of thumb, don't have too many bathroom pics! One should be enough. The rest should not be you in the bathroom mirror. Pics that friends have taken of you are great or selfies of you are great. Also if you have professional pics those are good too but not to many! I will explain why later. Guys please listen to me! It is not wise to put up shirtless pictures! You may have a nice physique but trust me you will get more women with your shirt on then off! If your just looking to see how many women you can sleep with then a shirtless pic will def attract the kind of women that are looking for sex. However if you are looking for a quality woman, then you better keep your shirt on. Women looking for serious relationships tend to be turned off by a guy half naked showing his abs. She will think you are a tool and full of yourself. That you sleep around and that your just looking for booty, and pass you by.
Fellas I work out a lot and am in good shape. There is nothing wrong with letting a woman see that hey, I take care of myself. What woman isn't attracted to a guy with a nice body right? Well some aren't but that's another story. Anyway here is how you accomplish letting women know your fit without looking like a tool. Nice fitted outfits like a nice muscle shirt or a plain white v neck tee that fits you well. Or even a tank top is better then shirt off. Trust me. The same way a man can tell if a woman has a nice shape even when she is wearing a maxi dress(long flowing dress that goes down to their feet) by looking for any signs of bumps or curves around the hips, top or backside, a woman will look through a man's clothing and be able to tell if he is fit especially if the clothing has a nice fit. This way you attract the women that would have hit you up shirtless, and also those who wouldn't have. Also give variety! It's not all about the body. A woman wants a man that can dress so by all means mix it up! Button ups, suits, etc. Let them know you have good fashion sense. You would probably look more attractive to a woman in a nice tailored suit then in a tank top. But most importantly just be you. If you never wear suits don't take a pic of you in one. Be true to yourself!
Women, same for you. If your main picture is a pic of a body part like your booty or legs or something else sexual, yes you will get tons of messages but it will be for the wrong reason. You will come off as easy and guys will treat you as such. Their motivation will be to sleep with you not to wife you or have a relationship with you! Even if they lie and say they want one. Make your main pic of your face. The other pics you can do full body. Again there is nothing wrong with a woman showing off the fact she is well put together. It's the way you do it that matters. I can't tell you how many times I've seen pics of woman's butts! I mean straight up close up of a woman's behind. No face no legs nothing else. Then they get mad when a guy messages them with something inappropriate or wants her to come to his house for the first date to have sex. The pictures you put up will determine the type of traffic you get. Now yes there will always be pervs who hit you up regardless of what you wear. But you will get far less of them if you only put up classy or sexy but classy pics. There is also a way you women can show off your shape in a sexy but classy way. For you ladies it's easy. A pair of leggings or skinny jeans with a nice top will give a guy all he needs to know about your shape. Just make sure your face is facing the camera not your backside. If you are a bbw woman then find something that compliments your body. I've seen a lot of bbw that look good in loose flowing dresses.
Now if you ladies/fellas just have this stupid crazy incredible body that you worked so hard on and need people to just see how real it is then go to the beach! A guy with a pic with his shirt off in a pair of swim trunks on the sand with the lake or ocean behind him or woman in a bikini sun bathing on the beach, looks far less like a show off and more like "good times...fun in the sun" I'm sure you get the picture. So get to snapping pictures and put your best foot forward.
Also very important. If you are successful that's great! Who doesn't want to be with someone who is successful. However please keep your toys out of your pics. If you have a nice car, motorcycles, boats, etc please don't take pictures of them and put them on your profile. You will look like a tool and a show off and it will turn a quality candidate off big time. It will however attract the gold diggers and the shallow materialistic ones. If that's what you want then by all means go for it! In conversation I'm sure what you do for a living will come up and it will usually reflect that you may be successful. No need to brag or be boastful. Such a big turn off!
I almost forgot to mention the most important part! Please and I mean PLEASE make sure what ever pics you put up represent how you look now! Don't put up pics of you when you were in your prime if your 30 pounds heavier and 10 years older in the face! What ever pics you put up must represent what you look like now!! Be honest with yourself and others!
How Can I Tell If Someone Is Catfish Or Quality?
As I mentioned earlier. A catfish is a person who lies about their Identity in order to hook someone into an online relationship. This happens a lot. Again I myself have been a victim of this and it is not fun!! Especially if you've invested time and energy into getting to know someone. Especially if feelings are being developed. I'm am going to give you a few tips on how to recognize if someone is catfish, and or if they are quality or not. Meaning if they are someone worth getting to know or if they are players or not serious. Keep in mind this blog is for those who are seeking a serious relationship. Not a fling.
Let's first start with the photos! Ever here the phrase "A picture tells a thousand words"? Well this especially true when it comes to internet dating. The pictures people put up usually gives away hints of who they are and if they are real. For example red flag for those who don't put pics up at all! Yes this seems obvious, but it doesn't necessarily mean someone is catfish more or less means someone is hiding their appearance for a reason. If a person is catfish, nine times out of ten they are going to want to put a picture up. This picture will be of someone else. Most likely very attractive. If they don't have a picture up then this usually means one of two things. One they aren't confident or feel they aren't attractive enough for someone to contact them based off their picture. So they try their luck at finding someone who is more interested in personality in hopes that if the connection is strong, once they reveal what they look like, the person will still be interested. This is the case more then likely. Or two they are attractive and they get flooded with emails on a daily basis so they want to hide what they look like to keep traffic down. This allows them to pic and choose who they want to talk to instead of tons of emails from people they probably don't like anyway. This usually happens with women more then men. The average women gets 10x the emails an attractive man gets so imagine the traffic an attractive woman gets! For this reason some women choose to keep there picture private. Rule of thumb...don't contact people that don't have pictures up. If someone contacts you and they don't have a picture, simply say " you know what I look like, may I see what you look like? It's only fair" If they contacted you this means they like you and they should be willing to comply with your wishes and send you a pic. If they don't.....run! Don't waste your time with them. To much of a risk. There are also those that have other reasons they don't show their pics i.e government employee or some other privacy reasons, but this is not the norm.
If someone only has one picture up...red flag! In this world of technology it is becoming increasingly easier to take pictures. Especially with the camera phones of today. I understand some people aren't very technology savvy however to not have at least two pictures of your self is very suspicious. This is a great indicator that the person may be catfish or at least hiding something. I always look for those who have at least 4 pictures or more up. The more pictures a person has the better the chances are that they are real. Some catfish take pictures of models or steal from other profiles and may not have access to a lot of pics of that person so can not post that many pictures up.
Also be ware of pictures that look vintage. You know now a days phones can take pretty clear pictures. You can tell when a picture looks old it kinda has that polaroid feel to it. Also pay attention to their outfits and hair styles. If it looks like it's from the 90's it probably is! If it's an old picture then that usually means that this is their best picture. And what they look like now is less then what this vintage picture shows. They may not be catfish but they probably don't look like now what
the picture portrays and it usually means they look worse i.e gained weight.
Another thing to look out for is fluctuating weight. Most of my negative experiences have been with women who put old pictures of themselves up. Usually them at a smaller size. Then when I meet them they are at least 20 to 30 pounds heavier. Then they have nerve to say do I look like my pics. Or
don't say anything at all as if I wouldn't notice the drastic weight gain. You are who you are no matter what your size is. My thing is don't mislead people to believing your one size and then show another. That's deceiving. One of the tricks I've learned to help keep this from happening is by analyzing their pictures. Let's say someone has 5 pictures up but on all 5 pics maybe three seem to show fluctuation in their weight. One pic they are this size the next they seem to be heavier, face fuller, arms legs thicker, etc. This is another red flag! Chances are that person is on the heavier side of things. Out of all their pics find the one where they look the heaviest then add 15-20 pounds to that, and that's more likely what their weight is now. Give or take a few pounds. Think about it if your a nice size that you are happy with right now, why let people see a pic of you heavier then what you are if your smaller now? So if they have pics of them heavy and smaller that means they are probably heavier and want to show some honesty of that but also want to show their smaller self so people can see the potential of what they can be or at least are attracted to some of the pics in hopes that's enough to make others interested.
Multiple pictures of a person who looks pretty much the same size in all their pics is a good sign they are probably close to that weight. Although in my experience I met a woman who had 9 pictures up. She was very attractive and in good shape. Her weight was the same in every last picture she had. However when I met her. She was at least 35 or 40 pounds heavier. She acted normal as if I didn't notice, then asked me if she looked like her pics. I know a lot of guys that would have had a few things to say that wouldn't have been very polite. Me being a gentlemen I just smiled and said yes. Nevertheless I never saw her or spoke to her again after that night. So it's not full proof but a woman/man with a decent amount of pictures up that don't show any real weight fluctuation is a better chance that he/she is the weight they portray to be.
The best way to tell if someone is catfish or not is video messaging. There are tons of free apps out there that allow you to video message someone. A video message from someone saying your name is a full proof way of knowing if they are catfish. Now I do understand like I said before some people aren't technology savvy. So may not know how to send a video message. If you get to the point were you exchange numbers have them send you pictures to your phone. Ask them to do something specific like sending you a pic of them blowing a kiss or biting their lip or something like that. Or you can be down right honest and let them know you want to make sure they aren't catfish and ask them to send a pic with your name written down on a piece of paper in front of their face. If you guys are really vibing and have great chemistry, you should both be eager and willing to do what is necessary for you two to meet. HOWEVER there are some women/men who get offended by you even questioning who they are. Or don't want to do much to prove they are who they say they are. Red flag! They can be catfish! In my experience however there are people who aren't catfish and don't lie about or understand why someone would lie about who they are so they get offended and irritated when your asking them to prove who they are. This is tricky. Rule of thumb, if they are unwilling to show you based on what I suggested, who they are then be very suspicious. If you do really like them however and want to give them the benefit of the doubt. What I suggest is meet them sooner then later. Don't waste precious hours talking and getting attached if they don't even want to show you who they are. Still talk but set up something soon. If they don't want to meet within 3 weeks of you consistently talking and getting to know each other, they are probably catfish. I wouldn't waste my time!
Let's talk about quality. There is no sure way to tell if a man or woman is quality. I'm just going to point out a few red flags for you to look out for that may indicate trouble. If you see any of these red flags, it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't quality. Just keep your eyes open. If they show all or most of these red flags....RUN!!!
- If their first message to you is in reference to a body part or something sexual
- If their first date suggestion is coming over your or their place to watch a movie
- If they find a way to make sexual references in your beginning conversations
- If they can only talk to you during certain times/can't talk before they go to sleep or when they wake
- If their stories about themselves and what they do seem overly exaggerated
- If they over react or show signs of jealousy before you meet
- If they get upset easily when your not available when they want to talk or respond late etc
- If they make a million excuses of why you can't meet
- If they message you or call/text you excessively
- If you have been talking for a while and they are still excessively active on the dating site you met on
- If they seem desperate or (thirsty)
Trans Gender Relations
I'm not going to get into politics about gay rights or homosexuality right now. What I do want to address is transgender people. These are people who feel that they were born the wrong sex. For example someone may be born a male but feel he is a female therefore dresses like a woman. Also depending may take hormones and even have surgery to alter the male anatomy too look like the female anatomy. Vice versa for people born a woman feeling they are a man. We are all born of free will and if this is what you choose to do no one has the right to force your hand.
That being said the problem I do have is that sometimes, especially with online dating, some transgender people tend to hide the fact that they are transgender. They engage in conversation with people who are under the impression that the person they are talking to was born a man/woman. I believe this is deceptive and unfair.
Although your privacy in this issue is respected, when you involve someone else when it comes to dealing with relations, you need to be honest and up front if you plan on hanging out or perusing a relationship with that person. Give them the opportunity to choose for themselves if this is something they want to be involved in. This brings me to the next topic.
How To Tell If Someone Is Transgender
In a nutshell when it comes to the best of the best in the transgender world....you can't! The surgeons are soo good now that when it comes to post operational trans genders (especially woman) It is hard to tell sometimes impossible to tell the difference unless you have a doctor examine them internally. Doctors can make a man's part look EXACTLY like a woman's part. Vice versa. How ever it is easier to tell a reconstructed man's part from a reconstructed females part.
This being said a lot comes into play on this. The hormones and the surgery are very expensive. A lot of woman/men can't afford to go ALL THE WAY! So some parts of them remain what they were when they were born. This of course is the most obvious and easiest way to tell the difference.
Since we are talking about internet dating then the focus Is identifying trans genders before you go out on a date with them. So you obviously wouldn't be able to check their anatomy. Here are a few hints that the person your talking to may be transgender.
If a woman has masculine features in her face like a strong jawline. Chiseled looks so to speak. Or a man has a soft face and lack of a strong jawline or has soft features. If a woman has an adams apple or a man is missing an adams apple. All men have adams apples! Some are more prominent then others, but we all have them! For transgender women there is a procedure to remove or decrease the appearance of an adams apple. So this is not full prove. If a woman is unusually tall or man short. Of course there are tall woman and short man. This should be used in conjunction with other signs not solely based on height. If a woman has large hands and feet or vice versa for men. Voice plays a big part. This has been the key determining factor in me personally recognizing trans genders that I have talked to online. Although not full proof. Because of hormones and also voice surgery this can be altered as well. However it usually is detectable. Transgender woman tend to sound like a man trying to sound like a woman and vice versa for men.
No one thing should determine your decision. It should be multiple things like strong face features large hands and questionable voice for example. Or feminine features light voice and petite size. It's obviously easier to tell in person. You also can see their mannerisms, but I'm trying to help you not have to get that far.
Another questionable trait is desperation or being (thirsty) as some would call it, with beautiful people. What I mean is I have never ran across a beautiful woman online who was desperate or thirsty. Interested yes but not overly eager at all. As I said earlier, beautiful women get flooded with tons of emails. It is often times overwhelming. They get the non attractive guys as well as the very attractive men. They have their pick of the litter so to speak. If a beautiful woman/man is into you, they will reach out to you or respond to you depending on who contacted who first. Based off your interaction they will continue engaging in conversation if you don't blow it or say something to turn them off. They will not however blow up your inbox or give you their number immediately. Especially women. If you run across someone who has transgender characteristics as I mentioned above and they are overly eager (thirsty) offering their number right off the bat, their is a chance they can be transgender. If you give them your number or you call/text them and they blow you up back to back with text, it's also a sign.
Trans genders who don't let people know that they are tend to be very excited when they catch someone who is heterosexual and into them. This is why they sometimes are very eager or thirsty. Also if they show transgender characteristics you exchange numbers and they always text and never want to talk on the phone, that's a sign they are hiding something. If they do end up talking on the phone, listen to their voice. Some give the excuse "oh I have a cold" Also for the transgender women, if you do engage in conversation with them and it get's sexual. If they make reference or seem to be fascinated with or enjoy anal sex, that is another sign.
These of course are not full proof, but in my experience have helped me detect a few transsexuals. You can always be frank and just ask them. Some might tell you. Some may lie about it. However if the person you ask isn't transsexual then I hope you have the gift of gab to get yourself out of that one! LOL You can try "I'm sorry you just seem too good to be true!"
Hats off to the transsexuals that are open and honest about it because some are. I know you subject yourself to ridicule and prejudice. It takes guts to do that and I just want to thank you for being brave enough to do so and not take away the right of someone to choose if that's what they want to engage in! Most importantly...God is LOVE and he loves you as much as he loves me!
These are a few tips to get you started to a happy and successful online dating experience. There are a few more things I would like to mention.
I believe there are a majority of good people in this world. This being said, there are however bad apples in the bunch. Considering the fact that you are online, ANYONE can sign on and pretend to be who ever they want. Good guys and bad guys use the internet. You must be extremely cautious when you are going to meet a stranger in person. Here are a few tips to keep you safe!
- Never give out to much personal information about yourself like where you work
- Never give out your address
- Always get the persons first and last name that your going to meet/google and search their name. i.e criminal background check
- Never meet for the first time at your place or theirs
- Always meet in a public place first
- Always let someone know where your going and the name of the person your going to see
- Most importantly always stay strapped with a pistol! (joking) :)
Now fellas your probably thinking this only applies to the ladies. Well yes women are more vulnerable then men are. However let me share a story of a man who went out with a woman he met on the internet for the first time. She was very attractive almost too good looking! He couldn't believe it! It's like he hit the jackpot! To top it off she seemed very attracted to him and he couldn't believe it when she asked him back to her apartment after dinner. Long story short, they are in her bedroom and he is about to have the time of his life. Ten minutes later as he has his pants to his ankles a masked man emerges from out of the closet and puts a gun to his head. Luckily his money is all that was taken and not his life. He walked away with a very valuable lesson. So fellas we also have to be careful as well.
I hope this helps you out tremendously in your online dating experience. Check back often as I will be sure to add more material!
God bless you all!