I read an article a few years back on the damage casual sex causes to the human brain. Interesting enough the article was given to me by my mother! I guess she was trying to tell me something lol!
What's not so funny is the article seemed to be dead on, and made a lot of sense. Some issues I had with bonding with women were explained.
There is no such thing as harmless casual sex amongst willing participants as the article explains. The article I read was called "The Emotional Corrosion of Casual Sex" from the February 2011 issue of the magazine "The Trumpet." Written by Dennis Leap.
I'm including the contents of this article in this post, also including the link to the article online so you can read from the source if you like. I hope it is knowledgeable to you and helps you in some way. Enjoy and God bless!
THE EMOTIONAL CORROSION OF CASUAL SEX
Recently I had the opportunity to work with a group of people from starkly different backgrounds. Most of our conversations were simply small talk. Yet one woman was surprisingly open about her life. Without prodding, she often articulately explained her philosophy on sex and relationships. Having been married and divorced multiple times, she now welcomed “no strings attached” sexual encounters. She thrilled at the hunt and the conquest. However, studying her over a period of time I noticed that she was often depressed.
One day she came to me and asked, “Why does casual sex hurt people?” This painfully honest question deserves a truthful answer.
Casual sex is sex for physical pleasure only, without emotional connection, no strings attached. Often it’s a one-time occurrence. It includes any kind of sex act with anyone, heterosexual or homosexual. In its rawest form it involves total strangers—no names, no history, no tomorrow. It coldly seeks to suppress the development of any type of relationship.
Casual sex has been glamorized in movies and on television. Casual sex membership websites, often accompanied with pornographic material, make it easy for partners to hook up. Many authors praise its advantages. They assure us of the thrilling excitement of the casual sex lifestyle. Its joys are made to appear unquestionable. The philosophy underlying all this hype is that marriage is out; casual sex is harmless fun; everyone is doing it; you are missing out—just do it! This is a seriously flawed philosophy. Risks are minimized. The threat of possible lifelong damage is ignored.
Let’s face the problem squarely. The misuse of sex brings incredible personal sorrow. Monogamous, marital sex is the only source of true fun. Casual sex is extremely risky and harmful to all involved. Yet, without question, casual sex experimentation is most destructive to our youth.
All parents must come to grips with this problem. Why? Young adults and the youngest of teens are the most likely to be taken in by such thinking. The current adult generation has yet to deal with the problem of and the problems caused by promiscuous sex. Our sex-crazed society willfully overlooks the bad fruits of its actions. Contraceptives—including condoms—are not the solution. The harm done goes much deeper than an unwanted pregnancy or being struck by a health-threatening sexual disease. New brain research proves that there is no such thing as safe sex outside of marriage. How science has come to this conclusion is amazingly interesting.
The Brain and Sex
Neuroscience research has uncovered useful information about how sex affects the human brain. Using MRI techniques, scientists have gained a clear picture of what takes place within the brain during sexual activity. Although it is not new knowledge, science confirms that the use of sex can either give us wholeness—or damage us, possibly for a lifetime. These scientific facts add support to necessary sex instruction that must be provided to protect our teens and young adults.
Joe McIlhaney and Freda Bush, both ob-gyns, have taken the current neuroscience research and translated it into a plain-speaking, easy-to-understand book titled Hooked. Dr. McIlhaney also founded the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in order to tackle the global epidemics of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STI).
These two medical professionals have much experience in working with teens and young adults. They have seen the incredible damage done to our youth as a result of the improper use of sex. In Hooked, the duo confront the emotional and psychological damage casual sex does to young, developing brains.
”With the aid of modern research techniques and technologies, scientists are confirming that sex is more than a momentary physical act,” they write. “It produces powerful, even lifelong changes in our brains that direct and influence our future to a surprising degree.” In other words, the use of sex can either keep the human brain healthy or severely damage it.
Emotional Bonding
The brain has been described as the largest human sex organ. Neuroscience confirms this fact. Sex triggers a magnificent biochemical process within the human brain. Three different chemicals flood the brain from initiation to completion of the sexual act: dopamine and oxytocin in women, and dopamine and vasopressin in men. Each chemical is designed to fulfill a specific purpose.
Dopamine is known as a feel-good chemical rewarding us when we accomplish something thrilling or exhilarating. Runners often experience dopamine highs during exercise. Dopamine has an addictive property that causes us to want to repeat whatever we have accomplished.
Oxytocin is present in both males and females, but it has a far more important role in the life of a woman. Science has known for some time that oxytocin is present when a mother nurses her baby. It aids and accelerates the human bonding process between the mother and child. During sex, the release of oxytocin in the female brain helps a woman bond with her mate.
Vasopressin serves a similar function in males. Besides helping a man to bond with his children, during sex it aids bonding with his mate.
How does all of this relate to casual sex? McIlhaney and Bush connect the dots. They emphasize that parents need to understand the role these hormones play in sexual experience. Concerning dopamine and young people having casual sex, they write: “It seems that the dopamine reward signal is working very well in these young people. Once they experience sex, they want to repeat it again and again. We have discussed elsewhere how sex is similar to drug, alcohol, or nicotine addiction; it is understandable that a young (or older) person would want to experience that same rush again” (ibid.). The dopamine reward process in the brain is values-neutral: It cannot distinguish between positive or negative behavior. If an individual gets a thrill out of risky sex, the dopamine reward will encourage the repetition of the risky behavior.
Loss of Connectedness
The dopamine reward for sex is intensely powerful. Thus, a sexually active couple upon breakup will often move quickly to sexual intercourse with a new person. In a culture that encourages casual sex, many people are moving quickly from partner to partner. Sexual addiction is often the result. The tabloids are full of accounts of the broken lives of people suffering from this addiction. Certainly this is a terrible problem that is extremely difficult to overcome. Yet those who move from partner to partner suffer even greater damage.
The bonding biochemicals oxytocin and vasopressin are just as powerful as dopamine. Neuroscience shows that these hormones are released with intimate physical contact such as hugging or kissing. McIlhaney and Bush explain: “When two people join physically, powerful neurohormones are released because of the sexual experience, making an impression on the synapses in their brains and hard wiring their bond. When they stay together for life their bonding matures. This is a major factor that keeps them together, providing a desire for intercourse, resulting in offspring, and assuring those offspring of a nurturing two-parent home in which to grow” (ibid.).
Although not new knowledge, science confirms the immeasurable value of monogamous sex within marriage. Science also affirms a destructive downside to casual sex. The doctors explain: “Every time a person has sexual intercourse or intimate physical contact, bonding takes place. Whenever breakups occur in bonded relationships there is confusion and often pain in the brains of the young people involved because the bond has been broken.” The problem described here also has much deeper and long-lasting effect. The authors report: “Further, there is evidence that when this sex/bonding/breaking-up cycle is repeated a few or many times—even when the bonding was short-lived—damage is done to the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings.” Living a casual sex lifestyle spawns a loss of human connectedness.
The truth is, we all need human attachment to survive and thrive. Right use of sex promotes personal wholeness and builds stable family life. Casual sex, by contrast, impairs an individual’s ability to form lifelong relationships. McIlhaney and Bush warn that in fact, the emotional corrosion caused by casual sex makes people less than human: “It may sound blunt, but if we try to eliminate this connectedness from sex, we remove the uniquely human aspect of it, and the sexual act becomes nothing more than raw animal behavior.” It is time well spent to think deeply about that quote.
Abstinence Until Marriage
Let’s be honest. Science is uncovering what God knew thousands of years ago. God placed within the pages of the Bible vital instruction on the proper uses of sex. Just after the creation of Eve and while at the first marriage ceremony, God taught our first parents to “be one flesh.” The newly created couple were to use sex to bind them together for life. They were also instructed to multiply—build a family that would rule and beautify the Earth (Genesis 2:24). There was no shame to sex within this God-ordained boundary (verse 25).
The Bible also warns of the penalties that accompany the abuse of it. Study Romans 1:26-28, 1 Corinthians 6:9, and 2 Peter 2:6. We shouldn’t need science to tell us what God has already told us. Unfortunately, we have ignored God. It is likely that humans will also ignore the evidence of science.
Human sexuality was designed by a great Creator God to bestow lifelong benefits to mankind. To reap those benefits, sex must remain within the bounds of marriage. Abstinence until marriage is the only workable safe-sex practice. It is interesting to note that a survey taken among teens revealed that 93 percent of the teens questioned believe that teens need to be given a strong abstinence message from parents and other adults. Herbert W. Armstrong wrote this in his book The Missing Dimension in Sex: “God designed sex to produce pure, righteous, clean, holy and rich blessings! He made it to be the loving bond which not only would inspire a properly mated couple to marry but which would preserve that marriage in love. Sex should be the energizing magnet to draw constantly closer and closer together with increasing love a husband and wife ….”
This wonderful, factual book is available to you at no charge upon request. Mr. Armstrong used the Bible and science to provide the missing dimension so prevalent in sex knowledge today. In the hands of loving parents, this book is the best tool to instruct our youth on how to avoid the damage caused by casual sex.
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Sunday, December 8, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
10 Things Sure To Turn Men On!!
There are many things that turn men on. It would take some time to name them all if that was even possible. We are all unique beings therefore are turned on by different things. I'm compiling a list of 10 things I believe are common turn on's to men in no specific order. Let's have a look shall we.
1. A WOMAN WHO DRESSES WELL
It's amazing the difference is between a woman who puts effort into what she wears and a woman who doesn't put much thought into it at all, or always dresses down.
Of course you don't want to look like your strolling down the red carpet if your just running to the store for a quick item, but wearing pj bottoms and some flip flops vs. a pair of jeans and a t-shirt make a significant difference.
Moral of the story, put effort in what you wear. It could mean the difference between getting that guy you want to finally notice you or to be ignored once again. Wear what works for you. Different clothes compliment different body types. Rather you are small medium or large, certain clothing compliments your shape the best. Learn what they are and use them well.
This also goes to those women in the "comfort zone." The comfort zone is when a woman gets her man, whether in a relationship or gets married and they feel they "got him." Women tend to get comfortable. The clothing women wear to attract a mate they should continue to wear to keep him focused on them. Your man/husband goes from seeing you at your best most of the time and dressed down some of the time to seeing you dressed down most of the time and only at your best on date night. Don't make this mistake. Keep it sassy keep it sexy, keep him focused!
2. A BEAUTIFUL PERSONALITY/HUMBLE SPIRIT
I can't stress this enough. There is nothing like a woman with a humble spirit and pleasant personality. Like a beautiful woman who acts like she doesn't know it. Or maybe a not so beautiful woman with a lot of personality and character who is pleasant to be around and easy to talk to. A man might not necessarily be all that physically attracted to you, but if you have a wonderful personality he might be open to the possibility. I am witness to this first hand!
3. A WOMAN WHO'S GOT HER OWN
There is nothing like a woman who is doing it for herself. Career, own car own place own money. Definitely a turn on. There are women that still live at home and depending on age this is acceptable. Also certain cultures like Hispanics. In a Hispanic household it's not unusual for the woman to live with her parents until she marries. It's also understood times are hard now a days and sometimes we fall down on our luck, but be proactive if that's your case. Show fruits of effort in bettering yourself.
The point is us men don't want to feel like we're some one's meal ticket. We want to feel wanted for us not what we can offer financially. Although I must say me being a Christian I believe once MARRIED, it's a husbands job to provide for his wife and his family. Notice I said married not in a relationship. It is not the man's job to financially support his girlfriend. Paying for dates and such yes of course but not paying bills.
4. CONFIDENCE
Pretty self explanatory. Confidence exudes off a woman like an expensive fragrance! It's so attractive, and it makes men want you.
Not to be confused with cockiness it's evil cousin!
5. ELEGANT GAIT
Ever hear that song "I love the way she walks I love the way she talks" I forget the name or who it's by. A woman with a mean walk is so sexy. Some ladies might not be aware we pay attention to this but we do! A woman who struts across a room with a sexy swagger in her walk and a swing in those hips is a big turn on!
Have you paid attention to your walk?
6. MANI'S AND PEDI'S
Sexy hands and feet are definitely a turn on! I love a woman who keeps her nails and feet looking pretty. To see a well manicured hand on your arm or sexy pedicured toes poking out an open toed heel or pair of sandals is sure to raise the temperature a few notches.
I know more then a few men who won't even date a woman if she has hammer time in her shoes or gorilla hands, booty diggers, you get the point.
7. LEGS
If you got them, show them! Keep them shaved, keep them moisturized and show them often. One of the top favorite parts on a woman's body!
8. Booty
Do I really need to explain? Didn't think so but I'll give a little tip for those who have clip boards (flat butts)
While some men are extremist meaning they like extremely big butts, most men are satisfied with a shapely rump that is noticeable in tight clothing or no clothing. Pretty much a woman who's backside pokes out enough to see a nice curve protrude from her back when viewing from her profile. If your lacking a little meat back there you can build up a respectable rump through specific exercises.
There are hundreds of videos on building a nice butt on YouTube. I'm going to link you to two of them I think are really good. One you can do at home and the other is for the gym.
http://youtu.be/xIvJq-ImdMQ Home booty workout
http://youtu.be/tuTmfGpBbPQ Gym booty workout
9. PANTIE TREASURE CHEST
This is for the married folk as I don't promote or condone pre marital sex. For those of you who are betrothed in matrimony, here is a tip for you ladies that will help keep the spice in the bedroom.
Build up your pantie drawer to enormous proportions! Fill it with every color of the rainbow, every fit every shiny, glittery, see through, cotton, silk thing you can find. What ever your man likes. Have an abundance of undies and change them often.
I'm sure your probably like duh... I change my panties everyday as you should, but I'm talking about multiple times in one day. If it's one of those days where you have the pleasure of laying around for the day and partaking in some adult fun, change your panties after every session. You wake up and love your husband, when your finished change your panties to something new and different. After round two, change them again or put on a different outfit. It can be as simple as changing out of a bra and panties to a t-shirt and different pair of panties or different pantie and bra set. Men are visual creatures, and each change gives us new visual stimulation and a refreshed sense of desire for you. Very hot!
Oh but make sure you keep the granny panties way in the back! Only pull those bad boys out during cycle time.
10. FOREPLAY
Now I always tell fellas foreplay is the most important part of sex and I believe it is. It is key to warming the ladies up and getting you where you want to go faster. How ever this time I'm speaking to the ladies.
Now us guys are minute men. Meaning we are ready to get down to business in an instant. A lot of guys who don't know any better or just don't care or are selfish or lazy want to go straight for the main entrée without starting with the appetizer. You women are in control. DON'T LET HIM! Kiss, touch, rub, bite, pull, what ever it is that gets him going, do that and every time he tries to go for the main dish, don't let him. This will drive him crazy, and as impatient as we are, the main course will be that much more enjoyable when you finally allow him
to dig in!
Again these are only a few of many things that turn men on. I'm sure you can think of some of your own. I hope this is helpful. Some may already know these things but we all need reminders sometimes. Have fun!
God bless!
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1. A WOMAN WHO DRESSES WELL
It's amazing the difference is between a woman who puts effort into what she wears and a woman who doesn't put much thought into it at all, or always dresses down. Of course you don't want to look like your strolling down the red carpet if your just running to the store for a quick item, but wearing pj bottoms and some flip flops vs. a pair of jeans and a t-shirt make a significant difference.
Moral of the story, put effort in what you wear. It could mean the difference between getting that guy you want to finally notice you or to be ignored once again. Wear what works for you. Different clothes compliment different body types. Rather you are small medium or large, certain clothing compliments your shape the best. Learn what they are and use them well.
This also goes to those women in the "comfort zone." The comfort zone is when a woman gets her man, whether in a relationship or gets married and they feel they "got him." Women tend to get comfortable. The clothing women wear to attract a mate they should continue to wear to keep him focused on them. Your man/husband goes from seeing you at your best most of the time and dressed down some of the time to seeing you dressed down most of the time and only at your best on date night. Don't make this mistake. Keep it sassy keep it sexy, keep him focused!
2. A BEAUTIFUL PERSONALITY/HUMBLE SPIRIT
I can't stress this enough. There is nothing like a woman with a humble spirit and pleasant personality. Like a beautiful woman who acts like she doesn't know it. Or maybe a not so beautiful woman with a lot of personality and character who is pleasant to be around and easy to talk to. A man might not necessarily be all that physically attracted to you, but if you have a wonderful personality he might be open to the possibility. I am witness to this first hand!3. A WOMAN WHO'S GOT HER OWN
There is nothing like a woman who is doing it for herself. Career, own car own place own money. Definitely a turn on. There are women that still live at home and depending on age this is acceptable. Also certain cultures like Hispanics. In a Hispanic household it's not unusual for the woman to live with her parents until she marries. It's also understood times are hard now a days and sometimes we fall down on our luck, but be proactive if that's your case. Show fruits of effort in bettering yourself. The point is us men don't want to feel like we're some one's meal ticket. We want to feel wanted for us not what we can offer financially. Although I must say me being a Christian I believe once MARRIED, it's a husbands job to provide for his wife and his family. Notice I said married not in a relationship. It is not the man's job to financially support his girlfriend. Paying for dates and such yes of course but not paying bills.
4. CONFIDENCE
Pretty self explanatory. Confidence exudes off a woman like an expensive fragrance! It's so attractive, and it makes men want you. Not to be confused with cockiness it's evil cousin!
5. ELEGANT GAIT
Ever hear that song "I love the way she walks I love the way she talks" I forget the name or who it's by. A woman with a mean walk is so sexy. Some ladies might not be aware we pay attention to this but we do! A woman who struts across a room with a sexy swagger in her walk and a swing in those hips is a big turn on!Have you paid attention to your walk?
6. MANI'S AND PEDI'S
Sexy hands and feet are definitely a turn on! I love a woman who keeps her nails and feet looking pretty. To see a well manicured hand on your arm or sexy pedicured toes poking out an open toed heel or pair of sandals is sure to raise the temperature a few notches.I know more then a few men who won't even date a woman if she has hammer time in her shoes or gorilla hands, booty diggers, you get the point.
7. LEGS
If you got them, show them! Keep them shaved, keep them moisturized and show them often. One of the top favorite parts on a woman's body!8. Booty
Do I really need to explain? Didn't think so but I'll give a little tip for those who have clip boards (flat butts)While some men are extremist meaning they like extremely big butts, most men are satisfied with a shapely rump that is noticeable in tight clothing or no clothing. Pretty much a woman who's backside pokes out enough to see a nice curve protrude from her back when viewing from her profile. If your lacking a little meat back there you can build up a respectable rump through specific exercises.
There are hundreds of videos on building a nice butt on YouTube. I'm going to link you to two of them I think are really good. One you can do at home and the other is for the gym.
http://youtu.be/xIvJq-ImdMQ Home booty workout
http://youtu.be/tuTmfGpBbPQ Gym booty workout
9. PANTIE TREASURE CHEST
This is for the married folk as I don't promote or condone pre marital sex. For those of you who are betrothed in matrimony, here is a tip for you ladies that will help keep the spice in the bedroom. Build up your pantie drawer to enormous proportions! Fill it with every color of the rainbow, every fit every shiny, glittery, see through, cotton, silk thing you can find. What ever your man likes. Have an abundance of undies and change them often.
I'm sure your probably like duh... I change my panties everyday as you should, but I'm talking about multiple times in one day. If it's one of those days where you have the pleasure of laying around for the day and partaking in some adult fun, change your panties after every session. You wake up and love your husband, when your finished change your panties to something new and different. After round two, change them again or put on a different outfit. It can be as simple as changing out of a bra and panties to a t-shirt and different pair of panties or different pantie and bra set. Men are visual creatures, and each change gives us new visual stimulation and a refreshed sense of desire for you. Very hot!
Oh but make sure you keep the granny panties way in the back! Only pull those bad boys out during cycle time.
10. FOREPLAY
Now I always tell fellas foreplay is the most important part of sex and I believe it is. It is key to warming the ladies up and getting you where you want to go faster. How ever this time I'm speaking to the ladies. Now us guys are minute men. Meaning we are ready to get down to business in an instant. A lot of guys who don't know any better or just don't care or are selfish or lazy want to go straight for the main entrée without starting with the appetizer. You women are in control. DON'T LET HIM! Kiss, touch, rub, bite, pull, what ever it is that gets him going, do that and every time he tries to go for the main dish, don't let him. This will drive him crazy, and as impatient as we are, the main course will be that much more enjoyable when you finally allow him
to dig in!
Again these are only a few of many things that turn men on. I'm sure you can think of some of your own. I hope this is helpful. Some may already know these things but we all need reminders sometimes. Have fun!
God bless!
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Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Why Men Cheat In Relationships
The burning question that resonates from the depths of women's souls. I wish there was an easy answer to this question. However it is not as simple as a one line explanation. There are many different reasons a man may cheat but they generally end up in two groups.
Inner Circle
Outer Circle
The inner circle deals with issues and problems from within the man such as background, family, life experiences, and so on.
The outer circle deals with YOU! The woman involved with the man. Let's tackle them both shall we.
Inner Circle
Let's start with the flesh! We are all born into sin. The curse of the first Adam makes this inevitable for us to avoid. So we wrestle with our flesh, and the desires of our flesh. God created sex! Yes our father is the inventor of sex. Sex is a good thing! Therefore the desire to want sex is natural and healthy! Where we go wrong is that it is used out of the intended purpose. The purpose for sex is to
Most men have a healthy desire for sex! We are visual beings, and God knew what he was doing when he put together a woman. So when a man see's an attractive woman, his thoughts towards her are usually sexual in nature. Not all the time but most the time.
Men are tempted by the desires of the flesh as well as satan. I'm not saying that when a man cheats he can use the get out of jail card "the devil made me do it" The bible says to take every thought captive. A man's thoughts are the first step to cheating.
I'm going to take you on a brief journey into the deepest levels of the abyss of a mans mind. Level 2045xl 9. (made that up) !
This is a scenario of a man out on a date with his woman.
Scenario 1
Man enters restaurant with woman. Man and woman are seated at a nice cozy booth. Hostess informs said couple that their waitress will be with them shortly. Man has chit chat with said woman. (I like saying "said" fyi) Said couple are sitting opposite from each other. Man is facing the direction the waitress will be coming from. Man is engaged in conversation then notices from a far distance this very attractive waitress walking towards him. At this point then man disengages from the conversation and switches to auto pilot mode. For those that don't know what this is. It's when a man is not paying attention to anything your saying but smiles and nods his head every so often as to bamboozle you into thinking he is paying attention. What's really going on in his head is this...
Who is this chic coming my way? She looks nice from a distance. Let me get a better look. D#$% I can see those hips through them pants and she throwing it when she walk. Oh she got a nice rack on her too! Come closer.. oh wow she has a pretty face and nice hair. Please be our waitress please be our waitress! She stopped at our table yes! Turn around let me see if you got a booty....bingo wow that ### is fat! This girl is bad she would definitely get it! Umm I can imagine how good it is! Let me see if she shows any signs of interest. I want to know if she's attracted to me.
All this takes place in seconds unbenounced to the woman. From the time it takes the waitress to walk past a few tables to yours. Now some men's thoughts may be a bit more subtle but you get the picture. They are attracted and scanning and checking out a woman while thinking about her in some sexual nature. (Not all but most men)
Men are visual creatures as I said earlier. If a man see's and attractive woman, she is usually seen in a sexual way. I assure you if you ever introduced your man to any of your girlfriends he has "scanned them". He knows what they look like how tall, short, if they are pretty, their features, body type. Does she have big boobs nice bottom? And then puts them in the I would/wouldn't hit it category. I have a saying I always say "women are God's greatest creation and the devil's greatest temptation" All men of all walks of life, even great men of the bible struggle with temptation from women. With the exception of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
So what makes a man cheat? It all boils down to self control and will. Intent he has with you. From the inner circle it goes to what type of man you have. How was he raised? What are his moral values? How does he view commitment? How serious is he about you? Does he have commitment issues? Abandonment issues? Does he have faith of some sort. Does he believe in some value code, have something, or someone to hold him accountable?
For a lot of men I'm just going to be honest. We are greedy! We want our cake and eat it to. Although very vulgar, Terrence Howard said it best in the movie The Best Man. He said "the only thing better then &*%$ is new %$#@"! As shameful as it is, this statement is law in a lot of men's minds. Notice I say a lot not all! I won't classify all men in one group. That's just not fair and wouldn't be accurate. I am however speaking on behalf of a large majority!
So what was Terrence Howard trying to say? He is saying the thrill of new sex with a new partner is better then the sex a man is used to with his woman even if sex with his woman is great! No matter how great it may be. A lot of this doesn't even have to do with the sex itself. It has to do with the new (different) woman your having this new sex with. That's what makes it better or at least makes it appear better. It also has to do with the thrill of the hunt. In our deepest primal instincts, we like to chase, catch and conquer our pray.
This is dealing again with the inner circle. Has nothing to do with the women we are with. We can have a beautiful woman who treats us like kings and see a woman who isn't even as pretty as our woman is, but in some form we are sexually attracted to her, get greedy mixed with lack of self control and or lack of respect of our commitment to our partner and we give into our fleshly desires not to mention the will to chase, catch and conquer. Next thing you know the sinful thought we initially had, the lust of that woman in our heads is now manifested into taking actions to acquire, conquer her and subsequently cheat on our partner. Greed!
If men have a good woman by their side a lot of them wouldn't cheat IF they thought they would get caught. Men cheat because we are greedy want to satisfy our fleshy desires sleep with every pretty girl we can and keep our woman. We will attempt this because we don't think we will get caught.
Another reason men cheat is sex addiction. Although used as an excuse when caught more so then being a real problem, their is an issue with sex addiction. I myself suffered from it and I tell you it was no excuse for me. For years I thought I was just like any normal hot blooded American guy. After all men always think about sex and try to have it as much as possible right? Well it took me a while to realize that most of my boys were doing mostly talking about it and I was mostly doing it!
Sex addiction is a much more serious issue. If your man has this addiction it's going to take much more then just loving him to change it. He will need help, support, JESUS! You can get over it. God can do all things! But its a battle and he can't just stop. It's a process. If you don't have the time and patient to walk this walk with him then it's best you part ways. If you have time, emotions invested, kids, your husband etc. then obviously it's not that easy to walk away. Stand by your man and stay prayed up! I won't dive into the reasons men become addicts. I will tackle that in another post.
Another reason men cheat is to safe guard their heart. I don't believe what they say about if a man is a cheater or hurts a woman it's because he as been hurt before. Yes in some cases this is true but not the rule! I will tell you I have hurt a lot of women in my day before I was ever hurt by one. With the exception of my mother. Some people say that the reason I hurt women in the past was because I was hurt so bad by my mother. I'm not ruling that possibility out but as of now I'm going to say a big negative on that. Although in some cases it has truth.
However when I was hurt by a woman I obviously cared for...man did it SUCK! It hurt so much that I put a wall up to safe guard my heart. The wall was not of concrete but of women! The great wall of gina I called it! lol (laugh that was funny) Seriously though I decided that the best way not to be hurt by a woman again is to always have multiple partners at all times. So on any given Sunday or Monday or Tuesday for that matter I was always talking to at least 4 plus women at a time. Usually around 6. Then I had the reserves in the phone. The 4 to 6 women weren't necessarily my girlfriends, just women I saw on a regular basis. I never had too many "title girlfriends" Maybe one out the group.
Now the reserves were girls who I have met slept with and could call for sex when ever I wanted. I would call these women when ever I needed FRESH sex. Meaning whenever I got tired of sleeping with the 4-6 on a regular basis. I would call these girls who I haven't slept with in a while. The longer it's been since I slept with a woman the fresher or newer the feel of sex is. It's the closet to sleeping with someone you haven't slept with before. Or I would do just that. Go find a new sex partner. This help feed my addiction which again I will get into in a later post.
The way this worked was I was so busy I couldn't give one particular person to much of my time. This lowering the possibilities of getting too close to any one person. Also if I found out one of my girls cheated or something, I would think about all the other girls I've been sleeping with while I was with her and it would take most if not all of the sting away. Then I would just replace her. It was safe for me. I never got hurt or at least in one sense of the word. Little did I know that behavior was so destructive and eventually led to it being almost impossible to develop real feelings for a woman. They became objects. Like cars. Me and my guys would compare them. Hey look at this new corvette I got yesterday wow look at the curves on her. Oh hey check out my new Ferrari drove her yesterday went from 0 to 60 in 6 seconds. Men talk like this or I should say boys talk like this amongst other boys. Only we don't say cars we say their names or nicknames we give them unless their name is an actual car like Porsche or Mercedes.
There are many other reasons a man can cheat. I'm just giving you the main ones based off the inner circle. Now let's talk about the outer circle.
Outer Circle
The outer circle isn't that complicated. This has solely to do with the woman the man is with in a relationship. Ladies this is for you. How you can contribute to a man cheating. Now no one can make a man cheat. We all have free will and if we do cheat we choose to do so. However we can be motivated even down right pushed to cheat in some cases.
Let's start with the easiest issue.
1.SEX
Disclaimer: Speaking of sex I am referring to a husband and a wife. Sex outside of marriage is fornication and is a sin. I don't condone sin although I am guilty myself of this sin in the past. I'm not being hypocritical I'm simply trying to help those not make the same mistakes as I did, and do better.
Now that is clear, the easiest way you can motivate your husband to cheat is to deprive him of sex! The bible even speaks on this issue.
2. EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT
There are four main things a man needs to feel from a woman to thrive.
Ladies if your lacking in making your man feel one or more of the four then your relationship is not as healthy as it should be, and could be in jeopardy of betrayal. It needs a Band-Aid.
Number four we covered. Let's talk about the other three.
Desire
Imagine how you would feel if your man's actions led you to believe that you weren't desirable anymore. Imagine the lack of attention you might receive and the self consciousness that comes along with it. The self examination. The scrutinizing and picking apart of ones self. Now imagine you start receiving the attention you were lacking in your spouse from a friend or a co worker or new strange admirer. This new source builds you up. Makes you feel desired and attractive again. You start to feel good about yourself. A feeling that is ever so faintly familiar......get it? T.R.O.U.B.L.E
Men want to feel desired too! We like compliments. We like to feel we still got it, and that we still do it for our partner. We all to often tend to get "used" to our partner after some time has past. What went from multiple compliments daily now goes to barely a head nod of recognition on an ever so seldom date night after much effort Is put into attire and appearance. What went from a healthy sex life is now sickly and on a fixed destination to hospice. The same way you want to feel desired we do as well.
I will give you a great tip: Initiate sex!
It will do wonders for your man's moral and self esteem.
Respect
R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to me ahhhhhh a little respect! Love that song but so true. There are only a few things that turn me off and get my blood boiling more then a disrespectful woman! I can't stand it. It makes a man feel like your challenging his man hood. It also makes him lose respect for you! In my opinion, blatant disrespect will run a man into another woman's arms just as quick as neglecting sex would. Yelling, screaming, being talked to in a disrespectful manner. All that sends a man searching for a kinder more gentler woman.
I'm not saying women shouldn't have voices and speak their minds and voice their opinions. It's not what you do but how you do it.
If you love your man speak to him with love and kindness. Even when upset use tact in the way you communicate your disapproval of something. I hate when women use the excuse "well you mad me mad"! As if that gives you the right to yell and scream at me and call me out my name.
One of the fruits of the spirit is self control. It is definitely hard at times but we must work on managing our tempers especially when it comes to dealing with someone we love. You ever try talking calmly to a person when they are yelling at the top of their lungs? It's hard to yell and scream at someone if they are keeping their temper and answering softly and politely.
Appreciation
Again, the same way women like to be appreciated, men like to be appreciated also. If we are being a good man to you let us know about it. Acknowledge and praise our efforts, or when we do something nice for you. If your man always opens the door for you. Thank him every time. Positive praise results in repeat actions. If we are attentive to your needs let us know. Let us know when we are doing things right more so then when we are doing things wrong. If not we tend to feel taken for granted. Or that your never satisfied and always nagging. (Big turn off). Focus on the things we do right, and tactfully correct us with the things we do wrong. For instance if we took the garbage out two weeks ago. Don't say "you know you haven't took the garbage out in two weeks" say...remember when you took the garbage out for me love? That was so sweet of you" Why continue to open the door for someone who never acknowledges you do it or thank you for it. Why continue to be faithful if your never praised or appreciated for being a loyal man? Thank us for handling you emotionally if we do it well. I.e putting up with you when your pms'ing when you know you can be a bear during that time!
Basics....learn to love and appreciate each other. Most importantly express your love and appreciation through words and actions.
Physical Intimacy
I touched on sex earlier. This would obviously fit in this category so that's a given, but I want to talk more so about physical touch. Physical touch is not always sexual in nature and does not always lead to sex. Some people are more affectionate then others. However I believe most people do want/need physical touch.
I've seen people who have been in long relationships and they aren't even intimate anymore. I mean yea they have sex every now and then but the time leading up to that point, the time spend around each other has no physical touch. It's like their roommates. No hugging no kissing no holding hands right up to the time when they are about to do the DO!
The human touch can be so therapeutic! It can say a thousand words, as well as calm and comfort you. It can make you feel safe, cared for, adored, admired, and wanted! In public it makes a statement. I love this person and I want everyone to know it! It can at times be more intimate then sex itself. Don't forget about this gem. Keep it shining in your relationship. If it has died down rekindle the flame and you will be amazed at how significant of a difference the seemingly insignificant things make.
I hope this helps you in some form or fashion with your relationship, or gives you enlightenment on future ones.
Love each other because God is love!
God bless you all!
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Inner CircleOuter Circle
The inner circle deals with issues and problems from within the man such as background, family, life experiences, and so on.
The outer circle deals with YOU! The woman involved with the man. Let's tackle them both shall we.
Inner Circle
Let's start with the flesh! We are all born into sin. The curse of the first Adam makes this inevitable for us to avoid. So we wrestle with our flesh, and the desires of our flesh. God created sex! Yes our father is the inventor of sex. Sex is a good thing! Therefore the desire to want sex is natural and healthy! Where we go wrong is that it is used out of the intended purpose. The purpose for sex is to
- Multiply
- Worship (God)
- Bond
Most men have a healthy desire for sex! We are visual beings, and God knew what he was doing when he put together a woman. So when a man see's an attractive woman, his thoughts towards her are usually sexual in nature. Not all the time but most the time.
James 1:13-15
English Standard Version (ESV)
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Men are tempted by the desires of the flesh as well as satan. I'm not saying that when a man cheats he can use the get out of jail card "the devil made me do it" The bible says to take every thought captive. A man's thoughts are the first step to cheating.
I'm going to take you on a brief journey into the deepest levels of the abyss of a mans mind. Level 2045xl 9. (made that up) !
This is a scenario of a man out on a date with his woman.
Scenario 1
Man enters restaurant with woman. Man and woman are seated at a nice cozy booth. Hostess informs said couple that their waitress will be with them shortly. Man has chit chat with said woman. (I like saying "said" fyi) Said couple are sitting opposite from each other. Man is facing the direction the waitress will be coming from. Man is engaged in conversation then notices from a far distance this very attractive waitress walking towards him. At this point then man disengages from the conversation and switches to auto pilot mode. For those that don't know what this is. It's when a man is not paying attention to anything your saying but smiles and nods his head every so often as to bamboozle you into thinking he is paying attention. What's really going on in his head is this...
Who is this chic coming my way? She looks nice from a distance. Let me get a better look. D#$% I can see those hips through them pants and she throwing it when she walk. Oh she got a nice rack on her too! Come closer.. oh wow she has a pretty face and nice hair. Please be our waitress please be our waitress! She stopped at our table yes! Turn around let me see if you got a booty....bingo wow that ### is fat! This girl is bad she would definitely get it! Umm I can imagine how good it is! Let me see if she shows any signs of interest. I want to know if she's attracted to me.All this takes place in seconds unbenounced to the woman. From the time it takes the waitress to walk past a few tables to yours. Now some men's thoughts may be a bit more subtle but you get the picture. They are attracted and scanning and checking out a woman while thinking about her in some sexual nature. (Not all but most men)
Men are visual creatures as I said earlier. If a man see's and attractive woman, she is usually seen in a sexual way. I assure you if you ever introduced your man to any of your girlfriends he has "scanned them". He knows what they look like how tall, short, if they are pretty, their features, body type. Does she have big boobs nice bottom? And then puts them in the I would/wouldn't hit it category. I have a saying I always say "women are God's greatest creation and the devil's greatest temptation" All men of all walks of life, even great men of the bible struggle with temptation from women. With the exception of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
So what makes a man cheat? It all boils down to self control and will. Intent he has with you. From the inner circle it goes to what type of man you have. How was he raised? What are his moral values? How does he view commitment? How serious is he about you? Does he have commitment issues? Abandonment issues? Does he have faith of some sort. Does he believe in some value code, have something, or someone to hold him accountable?
For a lot of men I'm just going to be honest. We are greedy! We want our cake and eat it to. Although very vulgar, Terrence Howard said it best in the movie The Best Man. He said "the only thing better then &*%$ is new %$#@"! As shameful as it is, this statement is law in a lot of men's minds. Notice I say a lot not all! I won't classify all men in one group. That's just not fair and wouldn't be accurate. I am however speaking on behalf of a large majority!
So what was Terrence Howard trying to say? He is saying the thrill of new sex with a new partner is better then the sex a man is used to with his woman even if sex with his woman is great! No matter how great it may be. A lot of this doesn't even have to do with the sex itself. It has to do with the new (different) woman your having this new sex with. That's what makes it better or at least makes it appear better. It also has to do with the thrill of the hunt. In our deepest primal instincts, we like to chase, catch and conquer our pray.
This is dealing again with the inner circle. Has nothing to do with the women we are with. We can have a beautiful woman who treats us like kings and see a woman who isn't even as pretty as our woman is, but in some form we are sexually attracted to her, get greedy mixed with lack of self control and or lack of respect of our commitment to our partner and we give into our fleshly desires not to mention the will to chase, catch and conquer. Next thing you know the sinful thought we initially had, the lust of that woman in our heads is now manifested into taking actions to acquire, conquer her and subsequently cheat on our partner. Greed!
If men have a good woman by their side a lot of them wouldn't cheat IF they thought they would get caught. Men cheat because we are greedy want to satisfy our fleshy desires sleep with every pretty girl we can and keep our woman. We will attempt this because we don't think we will get caught.
Another reason men cheat is sex addiction. Although used as an excuse when caught more so then being a real problem, their is an issue with sex addiction. I myself suffered from it and I tell you it was no excuse for me. For years I thought I was just like any normal hot blooded American guy. After all men always think about sex and try to have it as much as possible right? Well it took me a while to realize that most of my boys were doing mostly talking about it and I was mostly doing it!
Sex addiction is a much more serious issue. If your man has this addiction it's going to take much more then just loving him to change it. He will need help, support, JESUS! You can get over it. God can do all things! But its a battle and he can't just stop. It's a process. If you don't have the time and patient to walk this walk with him then it's best you part ways. If you have time, emotions invested, kids, your husband etc. then obviously it's not that easy to walk away. Stand by your man and stay prayed up! I won't dive into the reasons men become addicts. I will tackle that in another post.
Another reason men cheat is to safe guard their heart. I don't believe what they say about if a man is a cheater or hurts a woman it's because he as been hurt before. Yes in some cases this is true but not the rule! I will tell you I have hurt a lot of women in my day before I was ever hurt by one. With the exception of my mother. Some people say that the reason I hurt women in the past was because I was hurt so bad by my mother. I'm not ruling that possibility out but as of now I'm going to say a big negative on that. Although in some cases it has truth.
However when I was hurt by a woman I obviously cared for...man did it SUCK! It hurt so much that I put a wall up to safe guard my heart. The wall was not of concrete but of women! The great wall of gina I called it! lol (laugh that was funny) Seriously though I decided that the best way not to be hurt by a woman again is to always have multiple partners at all times. So on any given Sunday or Monday or Tuesday for that matter I was always talking to at least 4 plus women at a time. Usually around 6. Then I had the reserves in the phone. The 4 to 6 women weren't necessarily my girlfriends, just women I saw on a regular basis. I never had too many "title girlfriends" Maybe one out the group.
Now the reserves were girls who I have met slept with and could call for sex when ever I wanted. I would call these women when ever I needed FRESH sex. Meaning whenever I got tired of sleeping with the 4-6 on a regular basis. I would call these girls who I haven't slept with in a while. The longer it's been since I slept with a woman the fresher or newer the feel of sex is. It's the closet to sleeping with someone you haven't slept with before. Or I would do just that. Go find a new sex partner. This help feed my addiction which again I will get into in a later post.
The way this worked was I was so busy I couldn't give one particular person to much of my time. This lowering the possibilities of getting too close to any one person. Also if I found out one of my girls cheated or something, I would think about all the other girls I've been sleeping with while I was with her and it would take most if not all of the sting away. Then I would just replace her. It was safe for me. I never got hurt or at least in one sense of the word. Little did I know that behavior was so destructive and eventually led to it being almost impossible to develop real feelings for a woman. They became objects. Like cars. Me and my guys would compare them. Hey look at this new corvette I got yesterday wow look at the curves on her. Oh hey check out my new Ferrari drove her yesterday went from 0 to 60 in 6 seconds. Men talk like this or I should say boys talk like this amongst other boys. Only we don't say cars we say their names or nicknames we give them unless their name is an actual car like Porsche or Mercedes.
There are many other reasons a man can cheat. I'm just giving you the main ones based off the inner circle. Now let's talk about the outer circle.
Outer Circle
The outer circle isn't that complicated. This has solely to do with the woman the man is with in a relationship. Ladies this is for you. How you can contribute to a man cheating. Now no one can make a man cheat. We all have free will and if we do cheat we choose to do so. However we can be motivated even down right pushed to cheat in some cases.
Let's start with the easiest issue.
1.SEX
Disclaimer: Speaking of sex I am referring to a husband and a wife. Sex outside of marriage is fornication and is a sin. I don't condone sin although I am guilty myself of this sin in the past. I'm not being hypocritical I'm simply trying to help those not make the same mistakes as I did, and do better.
Now that is clear, the easiest way you can motivate your husband to cheat is to deprive him of sex! The bible even speaks on this issue.
1 Corinthians 7:5
English Standard Version (ESV)
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The bible is saying don't hold out on sex from your spouse unless you are fasting for a greater cause. This can lead your spouse to be tempted to run to another's arms by satan. satan is a great opportunist. He pounces on any opportunity to cause you to sin and displease God.
You ever get into a bad fight with your spouse/mate and right around that time you get a text, call, email, or run into an ex or someone you are/were fond of or attracted to? This used to happen to me all the time. It took me a while to realize that this wasn't by chance. This was the devil trying to tempt me with what he knew was my weakness. WOMEN! If there is turmoil in your house and you are withholding sex from your spouse, I guarantee there is the devil in disguise in the form of a short skirt with loose legs that your husband is attracted to or used to have relations with. A co worker maybe from the job. Ready to pounce so to speak on the opportunity. Sometimes it's not the devil at all. It's simply the desires of the flesh to fulfill a need that the spouse should be fulfilling but is not due to one reason or another.
Ladies no matter if you and your spouse aren't seeing eye to eye. One of the worst things you can do is deprive him of sex. Now of course I'm not talking if he already cheated on you or is beating your brains out. That is a different story!
The bible is saying don't hold out on sex from your spouse unless you are fasting for a greater cause. This can lead your spouse to be tempted to run to another's arms by satan. satan is a great opportunist. He pounces on any opportunity to cause you to sin and displease God.
You ever get into a bad fight with your spouse/mate and right around that time you get a text, call, email, or run into an ex or someone you are/were fond of or attracted to? This used to happen to me all the time. It took me a while to realize that this wasn't by chance. This was the devil trying to tempt me with what he knew was my weakness. WOMEN! If there is turmoil in your house and you are withholding sex from your spouse, I guarantee there is the devil in disguise in the form of a short skirt with loose legs that your husband is attracted to or used to have relations with. A co worker maybe from the job. Ready to pounce so to speak on the opportunity. Sometimes it's not the devil at all. It's simply the desires of the flesh to fulfill a need that the spouse should be fulfilling but is not due to one reason or another.
Ladies no matter if you and your spouse aren't seeing eye to eye. One of the worst things you can do is deprive him of sex. Now of course I'm not talking if he already cheated on you or is beating your brains out. That is a different story!
2. EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT
There are four main things a man needs to feel from a woman to thrive.
- Desired
- Respected
- Appreciated
- Physical Intimacy
Ladies if your lacking in making your man feel one or more of the four then your relationship is not as healthy as it should be, and could be in jeopardy of betrayal. It needs a Band-Aid.
Number four we covered. Let's talk about the other three.
Desire
Imagine how you would feel if your man's actions led you to believe that you weren't desirable anymore. Imagine the lack of attention you might receive and the self consciousness that comes along with it. The self examination. The scrutinizing and picking apart of ones self. Now imagine you start receiving the attention you were lacking in your spouse from a friend or a co worker or new strange admirer. This new source builds you up. Makes you feel desired and attractive again. You start to feel good about yourself. A feeling that is ever so faintly familiar......get it? T.R.O.U.B.L.E
Men want to feel desired too! We like compliments. We like to feel we still got it, and that we still do it for our partner. We all to often tend to get "used" to our partner after some time has past. What went from multiple compliments daily now goes to barely a head nod of recognition on an ever so seldom date night after much effort Is put into attire and appearance. What went from a healthy sex life is now sickly and on a fixed destination to hospice. The same way you want to feel desired we do as well.
I will give you a great tip: Initiate sex!
It will do wonders for your man's moral and self esteem.
Respect
R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to me ahhhhhh a little respect! Love that song but so true. There are only a few things that turn me off and get my blood boiling more then a disrespectful woman! I can't stand it. It makes a man feel like your challenging his man hood. It also makes him lose respect for you! In my opinion, blatant disrespect will run a man into another woman's arms just as quick as neglecting sex would. Yelling, screaming, being talked to in a disrespectful manner. All that sends a man searching for a kinder more gentler woman.
I'm not saying women shouldn't have voices and speak their minds and voice their opinions. It's not what you do but how you do it.
If you love your man speak to him with love and kindness. Even when upset use tact in the way you communicate your disapproval of something. I hate when women use the excuse "well you mad me mad"! As if that gives you the right to yell and scream at me and call me out my name.
One of the fruits of the spirit is self control. It is definitely hard at times but we must work on managing our tempers especially when it comes to dealing with someone we love. You ever try talking calmly to a person when they are yelling at the top of their lungs? It's hard to yell and scream at someone if they are keeping their temper and answering softly and politely.
Appreciation
Again, the same way women like to be appreciated, men like to be appreciated also. If we are being a good man to you let us know about it. Acknowledge and praise our efforts, or when we do something nice for you. If your man always opens the door for you. Thank him every time. Positive praise results in repeat actions. If we are attentive to your needs let us know. Let us know when we are doing things right more so then when we are doing things wrong. If not we tend to feel taken for granted. Or that your never satisfied and always nagging. (Big turn off). Focus on the things we do right, and tactfully correct us with the things we do wrong. For instance if we took the garbage out two weeks ago. Don't say "you know you haven't took the garbage out in two weeks" say...remember when you took the garbage out for me love? That was so sweet of you" Why continue to open the door for someone who never acknowledges you do it or thank you for it. Why continue to be faithful if your never praised or appreciated for being a loyal man? Thank us for handling you emotionally if we do it well. I.e putting up with you when your pms'ing when you know you can be a bear during that time!
Basics....learn to love and appreciate each other. Most importantly express your love and appreciation through words and actions.
Physical Intimacy
I touched on sex earlier. This would obviously fit in this category so that's a given, but I want to talk more so about physical touch. Physical touch is not always sexual in nature and does not always lead to sex. Some people are more affectionate then others. However I believe most people do want/need physical touch.
I've seen people who have been in long relationships and they aren't even intimate anymore. I mean yea they have sex every now and then but the time leading up to that point, the time spend around each other has no physical touch. It's like their roommates. No hugging no kissing no holding hands right up to the time when they are about to do the DO!
The human touch can be so therapeutic! It can say a thousand words, as well as calm and comfort you. It can make you feel safe, cared for, adored, admired, and wanted! In public it makes a statement. I love this person and I want everyone to know it! It can at times be more intimate then sex itself. Don't forget about this gem. Keep it shining in your relationship. If it has died down rekindle the flame and you will be amazed at how significant of a difference the seemingly insignificant things make.
I hope this helps you in some form or fashion with your relationship, or gives you enlightenment on future ones.
Love each other because God is love!
God bless you all!
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Tuesday, October 8, 2013
THE PURPOSE FOR DATING
There are many reasons people date one another. Some do it as a form of entertainment. Some do it because they're bored and need to get out of the house. Some are looking for boyfriends/girlfriends or a husband or wife. While others do it to fulfill certain needs, like financial or sexual. There are numerous reasons people date. I want to share my two cents as to what I believe the ultimate goal of dating is. MARRIAGE!
It is my believe that the ultimate goal of two people dating each other is to marry. Now let's examine this further. I understand that a 16 yr old going on a date with their first boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't necessarily have marriage in mind at that time, although some teenagers have fond thoughts of getting married. Usually the women, but some men as well. I for one believe that speaking of teenagers, there should be a certain age before young ones start dating. I won't tell you an exact age but teenagers should have a certain level of maturity before they date. They should be knowledgeable about sex, birth control, date rape, peer pressure etc. As far as birth control is concerned tread lightly on this subject with your young adult. Sometimes explaining birth control can give kids a false sense that your giving them the thumbs up on having sex which I believe they should be taught abstinence always until marriage.
As far as young adults I believe the focus should be getting to know yourself, and what you want in a spouse. To do that you should first read the post "Know thy self" then, you need to date! That's the only way to find out who your compatible with and what type of man/woman you get along with, or are attracted too. As far as attraction, I mean more then looks. I mean personality. I assure you a beautiful package won't go to far if that's all they have to offer. If they have an ugly personality or you just can't seem to get along, they start to get less and less attractive over time. The more you date different people the more of an idea you will form of who you are and what type of spouse will work for you. I'm not saying be a player. There is nothing wrong with dating different people at the same time. As long as your not leading anyone on, or committing to a relationship. Lying to them saying "your the only one". Just be honest with it. Say "I'm dating, looking for that special someone".
As far as those more seasoned. You've been around the block more then a few times. You've had your fair share of good and bad experiences. You know the type of man/woman you get along with. You know what you can deal with and what you can't. Dating at this point should be a process of elimination. If your attentive you can usually tell if a relationship has any potential on the first date. My advice to you is why waste your time with someone that you know early on is probably not a match for you. For example. You want kids and the other person doesn't. Yes down the road a person can change their mind, but odds are against you. Why take a chance and waste your time.
Overall dating can be a very exciting thing. You get to hang out. Fellowship with others learn yourself and how others work, what makes them tick. Just remember the overall purpose God has for dating, and that is to marry. Allow me to mention that God created the art of MAKING LOVE. Yes for those who marry, making love is a form of worship to God. There is a reason we are attracted to the opposite sex and have those desires. This is to prompt us to marry. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
May God bless you all!
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It is my believe that the ultimate goal of two people dating each other is to marry. Now let's examine this further. I understand that a 16 yr old going on a date with their first boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't necessarily have marriage in mind at that time, although some teenagers have fond thoughts of getting married. Usually the women, but some men as well. I for one believe that speaking of teenagers, there should be a certain age before young ones start dating. I won't tell you an exact age but teenagers should have a certain level of maturity before they date. They should be knowledgeable about sex, birth control, date rape, peer pressure etc. As far as birth control is concerned tread lightly on this subject with your young adult. Sometimes explaining birth control can give kids a false sense that your giving them the thumbs up on having sex which I believe they should be taught abstinence always until marriage.
As far as young adults I believe the focus should be getting to know yourself, and what you want in a spouse. To do that you should first read the post "Know thy self" then, you need to date! That's the only way to find out who your compatible with and what type of man/woman you get along with, or are attracted too. As far as attraction, I mean more then looks. I mean personality. I assure you a beautiful package won't go to far if that's all they have to offer. If they have an ugly personality or you just can't seem to get along, they start to get less and less attractive over time. The more you date different people the more of an idea you will form of who you are and what type of spouse will work for you. I'm not saying be a player. There is nothing wrong with dating different people at the same time. As long as your not leading anyone on, or committing to a relationship. Lying to them saying "your the only one". Just be honest with it. Say "I'm dating, looking for that special someone".
As far as those more seasoned. You've been around the block more then a few times. You've had your fair share of good and bad experiences. You know the type of man/woman you get along with. You know what you can deal with and what you can't. Dating at this point should be a process of elimination. If your attentive you can usually tell if a relationship has any potential on the first date. My advice to you is why waste your time with someone that you know early on is probably not a match for you. For example. You want kids and the other person doesn't. Yes down the road a person can change their mind, but odds are against you. Why take a chance and waste your time.
Overall dating can be a very exciting thing. You get to hang out. Fellowship with others learn yourself and how others work, what makes them tick. Just remember the overall purpose God has for dating, and that is to marry. Allow me to mention that God created the art of MAKING LOVE. Yes for those who marry, making love is a form of worship to God. There is a reason we are attracted to the opposite sex and have those desires. This is to prompt us to marry. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
May God bless you all!
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Know thy self 101
This blog is all about the business of relationships. Its sole purpose is to help other lost souls like myself find what they need in a partner and endure a happy lasting meaningful relationship that God would smile upon.
What's the best way we can achieve this daunting yet not impossible task? The first step is knowing who you are at this particular time in your life. Not who you want to be but who you really are RIGHT NOW. The better understanding of self you have the easier it is to determine what you NEED, not want in a partner.
Deep analyzing of ones self might tell us that we aren't ready for a relationship right now and we need to work on us. So many times their is damage done to us emotionally, spiritually, and we look for a woman/man to fill the void and make everything ok. The thing is if you were not ok before you met that one, your not going to be after you do. You may superficially mask your issues with a new relationship but eventually those issues are going to come out and need to be dealt with. At this time you could have so much time, emotion, and energy invested into a relationship before you find out its not going to work.
Deal with your issues first. Work on YOU! No ones perfect so waiting until your perfect will never happen. We are all human and all are going to have issues of some sort, however its the degree and magnitude of what our issues are that are the determining factor of if we need work before we start looking to get into a serious relationship. Trust me, this will save you a lot of time, heart ache and pain! Develop a relationship with God! He is the only one who can truly heal and bring peace to your spirit. If you already have a relationship with him then renew it! Challenge yourself to grow closer to him and have a much more intimate relationship with him. MATTHEW 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these THINGS will be added to you." THESE THINGS include your spouse that you NEED. You have to get your priorities straight first. God first, all other things after.
OK...so all major issues dealt with your ready to start looking for a serious relationship. You did some soul searching and you know yourself, and dealt with or are successfully dealing with some issues. So now is a good time for you to start composing a list of traits and attributes your ideal partner should have. You base this off your personality,character,believes,morals etc.
Let's use me for example. I have a dominant personality and I'm bull headed. My ideal woman probably would be someone who is more passive or passive aggressive. Someone who isn't so stubborn. We need that equal opposites to balance us off. If i worship God and you worship the devil its probably not gonna work! lol. If i want to get married in the future and you don't ever want to get married or I want kids and you have some and don't want anymore, these are things that probably wouldn't lead to a good match.
Also remember sometimes what you want and what you need can be two different things. Rule of thumb..always go for what you need! It would be wonderful if what we wanted was what we needed! This is not always the case however.Bottom line is take time to really know yourself. This will enable you to make sound judgement on the type of people you should be dating.
I'm not saying follow this to the t and if a prospect is missing one thing cross them out. This is just a guiding light to the right path. Love is a wonderful living breathing spontaneous thing. You can't control who you fall for. It might be someone just like you but you both compromise because you love each other so much. You never know, but this first step will get you going in the right direction!
May God bless you all!
Subscribe to Relationship advice for dummies
What's the best way we can achieve this daunting yet not impossible task? The first step is knowing who you are at this particular time in your life. Not who you want to be but who you really are RIGHT NOW. The better understanding of self you have the easier it is to determine what you NEED, not want in a partner.
Deep analyzing of ones self might tell us that we aren't ready for a relationship right now and we need to work on us. So many times their is damage done to us emotionally, spiritually, and we look for a woman/man to fill the void and make everything ok. The thing is if you were not ok before you met that one, your not going to be after you do. You may superficially mask your issues with a new relationship but eventually those issues are going to come out and need to be dealt with. At this time you could have so much time, emotion, and energy invested into a relationship before you find out its not going to work.
Deal with your issues first. Work on YOU! No ones perfect so waiting until your perfect will never happen. We are all human and all are going to have issues of some sort, however its the degree and magnitude of what our issues are that are the determining factor of if we need work before we start looking to get into a serious relationship. Trust me, this will save you a lot of time, heart ache and pain! Develop a relationship with God! He is the only one who can truly heal and bring peace to your spirit. If you already have a relationship with him then renew it! Challenge yourself to grow closer to him and have a much more intimate relationship with him. MATTHEW 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL these THINGS will be added to you." THESE THINGS include your spouse that you NEED. You have to get your priorities straight first. God first, all other things after.
OK...so all major issues dealt with your ready to start looking for a serious relationship. You did some soul searching and you know yourself, and dealt with or are successfully dealing with some issues. So now is a good time for you to start composing a list of traits and attributes your ideal partner should have. You base this off your personality,character,believes,morals etc.
Let's use me for example. I have a dominant personality and I'm bull headed. My ideal woman probably would be someone who is more passive or passive aggressive. Someone who isn't so stubborn. We need that equal opposites to balance us off. If i worship God and you worship the devil its probably not gonna work! lol. If i want to get married in the future and you don't ever want to get married or I want kids and you have some and don't want anymore, these are things that probably wouldn't lead to a good match.
Also remember sometimes what you want and what you need can be two different things. Rule of thumb..always go for what you need! It would be wonderful if what we wanted was what we needed! This is not always the case however.Bottom line is take time to really know yourself. This will enable you to make sound judgement on the type of people you should be dating.
I'm not saying follow this to the t and if a prospect is missing one thing cross them out. This is just a guiding light to the right path. Love is a wonderful living breathing spontaneous thing. You can't control who you fall for. It might be someone just like you but you both compromise because you love each other so much. You never know, but this first step will get you going in the right direction!
May God bless you all!
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