Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Are You Wifee or Booty?

Men generally put women into two categories; wifee or booty. A wifee is a woman that a man considers to be quality. Someone he can take home to momma. Someone who has potential to be a wife to someone.

A man who considers a woman to be booty means just that. She is a piece of tail to him. Good enough to have sex with, but doesn't make the grade as far as marrying her or considering her marriage material or a quality woman. Or there may be other circumstances why the woman is just booty to him like him being in a relationship with someone else or married or vice versa.

Surprisingly a lot of men draw this conclusion on the first date! Yes the first date! If I go out with a woman on a first date I usually will know by the end of the date if she is wifee material or booty call status. After we men arrive at this conclusion we usually treat them as such depending on what category they fall in.

This being said, there are factors that come into play as you continue to see a woman that could make you change your mind about what category to put her in. Usually it goes from a potential wifee becoming a booty call. It's rarely the other way around, how ever it does happen every now and then that a booty call becomes wifee material.

Now when I say wifee let me be clear. Just because a man puts you into a wifee category doesn't mean he will wife you! Don't be mistaken. A man has to be ready to settle down and get married before he bends that knee. So most men that see a woman they are with as wifee won't end up marrying them. They will treat them better. They will try to keep them around as long as possible. If they have sense, they will put these wifee's first before any booty call or dip or other person they are dealing with. This is if they are dealing with anyone else, but you probably won't take that walk down that isle unless the man you are with is in the frame of mind that he already wants to settle down and is tired of the player or single life.

Very rarely does a man who is perfectly content with living the single life meet a girl who is so amazing he decides to throw in his player card and gives up his black book for her and actually walks down that isle.

It happens ladies don't get me wrong. It's just not the norm. The man usually has to be in the settling down frame of mind first.

I am going to compile two lists. The first list will be of things a man may consider wifee qualities, and reasons a man might put a woman in this category. The second list is of course things a man considers to be booty call qualities and reasons he might put a woman in the booty category.

DISCLAIMER: We are all individuals and God created each of us unique, so this isn't meant to be the absolute truth on what makes a woman wifee or booty. Each man might have different reasons to put a woman in one of these two categories. What I feel is a booty call characteristic another man might disagree. These are just general things based on myself and the majority of the men young and old I have encountered in my life. Remember ladies guys talk just as much as you do!


1. Doesn't make it easy at all to sleep with her

Takes her time, makes you work for it. Numerous dates and long phone convo's etc. Or even better doesn't put out at all!

2. Doesn't dress like a stripper

A big part of a woman who doesn't put out is that she doesn't look like she does either. How you dress is a big indicator to a man of how he sees you. If you show up on your first date looking like your a working girl, he will treat you like one. He will draw the conclusion that your easy and promiscuous. He will think he can sleep with you and will try to as soon as possible. Probably the first date.

Be careful with this. I know some women personally who aren't easy but dress extra sexy because they like the attention from men. To us guys, dressing easy is being easy. There is no difference to us. Once we get the thought that your easy in our heads from the way you dress, It's very hard to convince us otherwise. If we do finally get the picture after many failed attempts to sleep with you then we are just going to think your a tease, get pissed off, and move on to the next.

I'm not saying dress like a sea hag....what ever that is...I'm just saying there is a thin line between sexy and sleazy.  Know where to draw the line. You want to be sexy and attractive to your potential partner. Just do it with class.

3. Gentle spirit

There is something to be said about an easy going personality. Quick to listen, and slow to anger.

4. Respectful

Respect is HUGE for a man. There is no greater turn off then a disrespectful woman who doesn't know how to talk to a man. Especially when she gets upset.

5. A woman who has her own

A woman with her own car, own place, own job, and taking care of herself therefore is not looking for a meal ticket from you is a def plus in the wifee department.

6. Priorities in order

What's important to you? Building a career. Stabilizing yourself and your family. Obtaining property or building a retirement fund. Or is it getting the newest shoes out or hottest car or going to the bar or club every weekend getting drunk. Who do you leave your kids with? How much time do you spend with them? Do you talk about what so and so drives and what shoes this person had on or turn your nose up because this guy has this older model of this phone etc...

7. Your faith/morals and values

This is huge to a Christian man. Maybe not so much to a worldly man. Since I am a Christian I will speak from a Christian man's view point.

Do you believe in God? Are you willing to live a Christian lifestyle, go to church, maybe join a small group, teach the gospel to your children? Do you know the biblical role of a wife? Are you willing to submit to your husband? Yes submit! The bible instructs the wife to submit to your husband in all things. This does not mean he is greater then you. You both are equal. You have a voice, and opinion, and it should be heard and considered at all times. This does not mean your husband is a dictator, and orders you around. In fact if your husband is a spiritually mature Christian, he will put you before him as you should put him before you. However him being the husband and the head of the household (after God first) He has final say over things.

A lot of women have a problem with this, or try to argue, and validate why they should not submit.

A spiritually mature Christian man knows that it will be difficult for this type of woman who thinks this way to submit to him if she in fact cannot submit to God by not abiding by his word. This makes for a difficult marriage that is possibly doomed from the start.

In the Christian man's mind, this does not put this type of woman in the wifee category.

Genesis 3:16

16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

Ephesians 5:22-26

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Besides submission and willingness to live a Christian lifestyle, God is love. What is your heart like? Are you mean spirited, vengeful, angry?  Do you believe in "an eye for an eye?" (You do this to me..ok I'll show you. I will do twice as bad to you!) Are you selfish, only looking out for you or are you selfless? Have compassion for others, for strangers? Not only concerned about you getting yours but your brothers and sisters, strangers who are suffering.

As Christians, we are called to love one another. We are supposed to be separated from the rest of the world, we are supposed to be known for the way we love one another.

Do you have the love of God in your heart? If you do, it will show in your actions, in your words, in the way you conduct yourself. Men will see this with out you saying it. 

A spiritually mature Christian woman is a woman who is convicted for her sins. A woman who is held accountable for her actions by God, and other saints who she wisely surrounds herself around to help encourage her, edify her, and keep her grounded in Christ.

I dated both Christian women, and worldly women, and I can tell you the difference is amazing! Night and day!

None of us are perfect, but when we believe in God and inspire to be more like him everyday then the difference in our lives is priceless. Hands down, Christian women make the best wives! No one is perfect. God doesn't look for perfection, he looks for progression!

This is what every woman should strive for. Anything close to this assures you to be wifee material!

Proverbs 31:10-31

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10] An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[e] with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.


This is pretty much the opposite of the first list.

1. Easy breezy

Did you sleep with the guy on the first night or the first week, or the first month for that matter? Did your first phone conversation involve anything sexual? Do you dress like a working girl when you see him? Do you talk about or reference sex all the time?

2. Busted

Are you broke? No job, no car, live at home with your momma? Are you on welfare, multiple link cards with no intentions on getting off or finding a job?

I understand life is rough, sometimes we find ourselves in unfavorable circumstances and that's ok. The difference is are you content being there or are you trying your best to get out of those circumstances. Us men will see the difference.

3. Gold digger

Self explanatory. No man wants a gold digger rather he is rich or poor. We want a woman to want us for us, not for a meal ticket or because we drive a fancy car or have a nice house, or material things. Don't get me wrong some men use materialistic things to get women. These men generally don't care because as the women are using them for their money, the men are using them for their looks, sex, trophy pieces to display on their arms, and show off to the fellas.

Also there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a man who has his stuff together i.e career, house, car. A man is called to be a provider, and be able to take care of his family so he should have his stuff together or at least working hard towards it, but it's a difference between that, and a woman who solely cares about money and what she can gain from him. 

4. ABWS (Angry Black Woman Syndrome)

DISCLAIMER: Let me explain before you sisters go off on me! lol This is a term used a lot by men. I'm using it because a lot of people will understand what I mean by this. This is that loud mouth, argumentative, head snapping, hand on hip while the other one waving in your face, gotta have the last word, disrespectful talking like I can whoop your butt attitude.

ALL women of ALL races and ethnicity's have potential to have this. Not just black women. I've met Caucasians, Asians, Middle Eastern women with ABWS. Also not ALL black women have this. I have met some of the most sweet spirited, humble, soft spoken black women.

There is only one man in a relationship. That man has the role of a man, and the women has the role of the women. No man wants to date a woman who acts like a man or is argumentative, and yells and screams and catches attitudes all the time. This is hell to us!

If your like this and a man is putting up with it, it's probably because you are sleeping together and he wants that to continue. Or maybe he does love you and he is tolerating it for the meantime. This won't last, and there probably won't be any wedding bells in your future. If there are it will probably be a short marriage unless you change, and or an abusive one!

5. Selfishness

Proverbs 18:22

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
To find a wife is a good thing according to our Lords word. So when a man is getting to know a woman it is his job to court her. This meaning be on his best behavior, impress her, woo her. Not to be phony but be your best self.
This includes dates, flowers, candy, opening doors. cards, poems, gifts, frequent calls and or text messages letting them know your thinking of them etc. You get the point. Women if you accept his advances and he finds favor in your eyes and you decide to be in a relationship with him, it is now your time to reciprocate his efforts with your own efforts to show your appreciation and your affection for him.
Guys, this does not mean stop what you have been doing all along. This should continue through out your whole relationship. That's why I say be true to yourself when courting a woman because what ever your doing to impress her, it will be expected to be kept up so don't do super extravagant things all the time if you can't keep it up after the "honey moon stage" so to speak.
Women here is where the "you before me" comes in. Now generally speaking "you before me" refers to how a husband and wife conduct themselves with each other, but It doesn't hurt to practice this before hand. It is now your job to show your man that you are a good woman, and are worthy of his efforts. Be good to him, do sweet things for him show him your appreciation. Don't be selfish.
A woman who just expects everything from a man and doesn't give back makes her man feel unappreciated. Us men need to feel valued and appreciated by women. Don't be selfish and just expect, expect, expect from us with you giving nothing in return. We will find someone else who shows that they appreciate us. Also say THANK YOU when we do nice things for you. That promotes continued behavior!
6. Disrespect
Do you scream at your man when your angry? Curse at him, call him out of his name, hit him, destroy his personal property? Humiliate him in public or in front of friends, family, or strangers? Disregard his wishes, pleas, or request. Undermine his authority when it comes to disciplining kids or anything else? No faith in him, doubtful of his success, crush his dreams, don't support or believe in the success of his ambitions? 
This is blatant disrespect, and almost sure to keep you out of the wifee category!
Again this is not cut in stone reasons why a woman is put into one category or another. Merely a guide to give an estimate of where you stand, and insight on how men view certain characteristics of women.
I hope this has helped you in anyway. God bless you all!
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